A Decades Past

It’s a silent comeback and don’t expect tenderness, it’s my greatest weakness that becomes my strongest ally and I believe it’s for best. Cold winters come and summer made me sick; signals from sky high have been blasting me with warnings of what could happen letting my guard down. I thought I needed someone and I should have guessed that I’m fine alone (always have). Closure and limitations are just part of the process, I gave up for my own sake.

Damn mask that didn’t let me see through, this is change and dealing with pain just makes my skin stronger. Scars, I am great at hiding and it’s been one who saw by chance. I aim to not expect anything from anyone, not for a while. It’s been enough with the open sores; I quit the obviousness and the necessity and I’m getting my move on. Its serious, here you can have serious and I’m serving it on a plate for your convenience.

In not saying I’m burying myself completely, it’s for those I care for I will care for and come back. Its crisis in my head, and I’ll be here no matter what (concealed), and closed to strangers. It’s for sure I’m the same, but that’s to be covered in layers of air and stones only you see. Dear stranger, I d like to watch you peak inside, I’m pretty sure it won’t be interesting to you and you will take two steps backwards. It’s what most do; I can’t make you smarter or less blind, of not seeing people under layers of impressions. I don’t know whether I’m an expert in the topic but I tried and it counts, at least for me.

The fright, this I’ll conceal; the insecurities, I’ll crush… but to be honest, doesn’t trying count? But what gives, and I know that below all this bluff I could only hope oblivion is enough to hold them quiet, and distractions are among my expertise and ill handle and save them for later. As long as you don’t see, works for me, if you notice then go ahead and do as you feel (it doesn’t take a genius or a degree in rocket science to figure out your next step). It’s not like you will care, it’s not like you will understand. If you think this is bad, guess what I thought I was before, I suppose this will make me feel comfortable in my skin.

I’ve brought this upon myself, caring to much is unattended and no interest just kicks arse. Opposing all, there I am to counter all I am. Unstable in what should be the peak of my youth, I wonder what goes on after this? Do you see me out of this uniform? I just see myself in another, cheaper version, who knows?! I don’t see how I could pull this one off, not like before when I knew my turf. I’m a foreigner in my own country, locked in cubicles. Squared in a seat, I’m holding my breath (I don’t know how long my tempers will last), and it’s suffocating, raiding my skin. Asking is wrong, and begging is pathetic; so doesn’t it make silence OK? What gives, I leave upon my self.



One thought on “A Decades Past

  1. I found this on Facebook messenger, in a group that had only me in it which means one of two things; either I wrote this to myself, or the person I wrote it too deleted themselves from the chat and I have no way to find out who that person was. It was dated 2008.


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